Wednesday, 9 April 2008

The day I nearly lost an ear

I decided after my last post that I was moving on - no more hair / fur / doormat posts. But then I discovered the FURminator. A friend recommended it and after going to the website I was seduced into parting with a ridiculous amount of money for a grooming tool. The claims made by the website were amazing - reduces shedding by up to 90%, guaranteed to reduce shedding better than any brush, comb or rake, reduce shedding for about four to six weeks, nominated by Tufts University School of Veterinarian Medicine’s newsletter as the number one product to reduce hairballs in cats - Mr. DBM will be particularly pleased with this one, since he doesn't appreciate getting up at 5am and stepping in a cold pile of cat vomit, especially since he doesn't wear slippers - urgh. I am not overly fond of that either and being woken up at 3am by a cat hucking up a hairball is not exactly pleasant. Anyhoo, if you don't believe me, go to the website and have a look - they have pictures of dogs and cats surrounded by all the hair that the FURminator has removed in one session. They even have video clips - the hair is coming out in handfuls. I swear that there is enough hair there to make another dog or cat and I am surprised that the animal being FURminated doesn't end up bald.

Being a somewhat sceptical person, I thought, hang on a minute, this is the FURminator website, of course they are going to say their product is wonderful. So, before rushing out and parting with my hard earned cash, I did a spot of web browsing, looking for negative comments, for reasons not to buy this too-good-to-be-true product, but to no avail. Everyone loves it, best thing ever, worth every penny, why didn't I buy one sooner, my dog, cat, rabbit, horse, ferret, two-toed sloth loves it. How can I fight that? Off to the pet store I go...........

So, if the FURminator is so wonderful, how come I nearly lost an ear? Well, once I get home, I eagerly unpack my FURminator. Two hours later, after much swearing, grumbling , hunting for some scissors, since mine are not where they are supposed to be, and general annoyance, I have the FURminator out of its plastic cocoon - I HATE plastic packaging - this goes way beyond bugging me - and it, along with plastic shopping bags, should be banned. Better get back to the point, because I could get really sidetracked by this. So here I am, the proud new owner of a FURminator, champing at the bit, ready to defur any cat that comes my way. But wait - shouldn't I read the instructions first? I suppose and since there were no cats within arm's reach, I quickly scanned the dos and don'ts - do make sure the fur is dry - check. Do make sure the coat is clean - check. Don't use on skin with sores, cuts or abrasions - check. Don't use on coats with mats or tangles - check, oh wait, no, I had better check Willow. And this is where things started going downhill and my relationship with my beautiful, soft, furry, nasty, wicked and mean cat took a turn for the worse. Since I really want to use the FURminator, I get out the dreaded comb, sit Willow on my lap and grit my teeth - I will get rid of all tangles. Next thing I know, her teeth are embedded in my left ear lobe and then she is gone. Well, am I going to let her get away with that? Oh no, so I scoop her up, wrap her top half in a blanket and get to work on her bottom half. That lasted all of 3 seconds. Off she goes again. I retrieve her again. Three more seconds of grooming. This goes on for a while until I give up and let her outside. She flounces off to her bed under the stairs and sits glaring at me with her best grumpy face on. So, do I give up on all my high hopes for the FURminator. Oh no - I have another cat.......

Here are the results - one session with the FURminator. Pretty amazing, uh? I am pretty sure that I could have got another cat's worth of fur, but even Tess has her limits and her claws. So, while I cannot, in all honesty, say that my cats loved it, I can say that it did what it claimed. Now all I have to do is persuade Willow that it is not a tool of the devil and will not inflict any serious or long-lasting damage, but, before I do that, I think that I might invest in some ear protection!

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Wow... I have to say I am impressed !!!!... She does a side of the Devil with her, abit like a Tazmanian Devil (the cartoon version), but fair play to you for keeping with it !. Tess is too daft to think what is going on, would it be harsh to say she is mentally challenged ???

ps.... I do miss them x

BabyZonely said...

Dear DBM,
I found this event of yours extremely funny! You should publish it in a comic book.
The only thing I couldn't figure out thought, was - is this FURminator a comb, a pair of scissors or a chemical?
But, one thing I was able to figure out - yes, your cat IS Tasmanian Devil!
Heal that ear of yours, and wear large enough headphones next time.

Don't Bug Me! said...

Moon: Yes, it is harsh. True, perhaps, but harsh.

Babyzonely: I have put in a link to the FURminator site so you can go and see the FURminator in action.

English Mum said...

Blimey, that's impressive. How's the ear, though?

Don't Bug Me! said...

EM: Well, I am not doing any van Gogh impersonations and the bleeding has stopped. I think it will survive!

BabyZonely said...

I saw the FURminator from the link - it's a wonder how any fur stays behind on those poor cats and dogs after "furmination"!
PS. Maybe babyzonely link will find a place on your blog one day...